2/27/2013


What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain knowledge must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do: the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die. ... I certainly do not deny that I still recognize an imperative of knowledge and that through it one can work upon men, but it must be taken up into my life, and that is what I now recognize as the most important thing.

Søren Kierkegaard,
 Letter to Peter Wilhelm Lund dated August 31, 1835

The Unconscious

Thursday, January 6, 2011 at 2:11am ·





“ That is one of the great difficulties in experiencing the unconscious—that one identifies with it and becomes a fool. You must not identify with the unconscious; you must keep outside, detached, and observe objectively what happens.... it is exceedingly difficult to accept such a thing, because we are so imbued with the fact that our unconscious is our own—my unconscious, his unconscious, her unconscious—and our prejudice is so strong that we have the greatest trouble disidentifying. ”
—Jung, C. G. (1996

Just reading some older works...part 1


7-24-09 A.O.F

by S. Gonzalez on Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 3:57pm ·


Article of Faith
By S. Gonzalez 



Who can fear death, those who are in the friendship of our Lord?
Do not be ignorant of sin.
Do not cast aside God’s gift to you.
We are all blessed to be alive, for whatever time we are here together.
Do not be sad, children of God, because we see the truth!
Those who cannot see, I call blind and lost.
Those who reason against God, you are fools!
I ask God, forgive them!
We love them so!
Love them as the Lord loves you!

History can tell, those who seek God differently can recall Him, and we who worship Him remember! Give praise everyday, for we understand and seek He who is love!

Who can fear Death?

Who can feel alone?

Your troubles mean nothing when in the end it will not matter.

Your sin creates disharmony, your ego causes sin.

Let go of all of it, surrender and accept without regret.

Your life is so important in His eyes, in His presence it is an ant within a colony.

You exist only because He wanted it that way. So let go of that fear! You are loved as a child, free of trouble but as a child you must be shown the way.

Discipline in faith and honor in God’s Word.






Writers Note:
Date: Unknown
“lost in time and translation”
History: I was depressed but searching.
The world is a paradox and I am just a wanderer in His Garden. 

The Benefits of Evil

The Benefits of Evil: 
A Role Playing guide to Paradox

by S. Gonzalez


Sometimes it's good to roll to burn down a forest. To really just scorch earth, every tree, animal or whatever have you in the way to clear out space. That even goes for mental tasks or real ones; eliminate that which does not matter and downsize those that do. For instance, I decided that last night would be a good night for a little shake up in my many spheres of play. 

Enjoy.


It started with the simple question asked by a random program on Face Book. "How's it going Steven?" The only thing that responded in my mind was why they would even change these up, to ask randomly what's going on so a person can post that thought or activity so everyone can see. That's how it started, because I was feeling evil.

So evil in fact that I decided to play a game with myself to see what I can produce.
First I needed my devil, a horned beastly looking creature of infernal power.
 Then came responses:

Good. Now I was getting somewhere....

I had to follow with a basic description of where my mind was at and what it saw, just so it could help others, including my other characters find a place in the story. 

"{Stephen Gonzalez is lost, he wanders the hollow center of his soul and around him there is nothing but a plain white desert} "What have I done?" {He says aloud to the sands of crystalline sands surrounding him} "What can I do to surpass the pathetic shell that I am in." {The winds blow and swirl around his battered form, caressing his blackened form of humanity}"

Now there is conflict but it still needed a little touch of despair...
  • Vegeta Toriyama {Appearing in the desert, Vegeta looks around and in all his time is fearful} "What is going on?"
  • Tsunade Godaime {Suddenly from sitting in her office she appears next to Vegeta, afraid} "What? How did I get here?"
  • Steve Gonzalez {Turns to his two lesser forms} "I am in need of yourselves." {Looking down, Stephen notices his hands have turned to blackened claws and smiles} "I need to absorb the both of you now!" {Their bodies shimmer and collapse as he inhales their essence, and grows}






 That's the thing about any story, it needs it's actors to work it along or else it's just some guy narrating his trip through La-La Land. 




{The darkness surrounds the form of Stephen Gonzalez} "I Am Incarnate!!!" {The forms of Vegeta Toriyama and Tsunade Godaime are no more, as the darkened form grows into the sky} "I need not such forms in the world of ideas, I AM!"




Now I figured it was time to really start expanding my vision to others by a bit of character reference and background manipulation.













Setting the desolation scene for something great to happen, because in Chaos there must always be a hint of coming Order. Once again, focus on the Main Character in his own private hell, toss in some emotional points such as:

"I don't care anymore about anyone!" {Fires blaze around him, the smoke engulfs his demonic form and he wails to the air to heaven} "I AM EVIL AGAIN!!!!"








And/Or: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" {His forms flames out, scorching the ground he walks on, licking his red lips he walks forward}



In the end this guy is a rampaging freak of great destructive power and completely insane. 




"You are a part of me, what made you think you were free?" {He laughs and grasps her neck, the form of Tsunade fading but dropped and on the sands below}
{Inside Stephen Gonzalez} "W..what's happened to us?" {All around her, the skies storm and rage as the figure of Steven in Devil Form rages}
{Vegeta runs to him, a fierce look in his eye as he tries to hit Stephen Gonzalez but only finds a fist knocking him back to the ground} "You will witness my destruction of all this plane of existence!"
{Inside Stephen Gonzalez} "What the fuck is going on here!" {Vegeta Toriyama walks in the storm inside the demon} "Let me go you bastard!!"

















Toss in symbols of humanity crushed just to spice it up, maybe describe why they are in the state they are in. In fact I did one better by absorbing two such characters  they called out for a hero, a savior.



{Currents of fire and brimstone swirl at his feet} 
"What's wrong friends? Too much for you?! 
Is this not what you wanted! Is this not what you expected of me!!!" 
{He roars a beastly scream that rocks the land around him}



The wonderful thing is that I can eliminate the whole board at this point. Just really wipe the motherfucker clean and start over. But I ask, is the point of destruction in the first place? The answer is always creation!


"Who will join me?" {looks over the spheres of creation in front of him} "Who will join what can live in infamy?!"


Suddenly I find my hero....

Gonzalez Angel {Appears before the hellfire pit, the body the angel is in is covered in light that vanishes the fire around him} "ENOUGH!"




"Stephen Gonzalez enough of this madness! It is time to rest and put back that which is tormented!" {The Gonzalez Angelreaches towards the charred forehead of the raging demon} — with Steve Gonzalez.

This is what I really want, to show the duality of such struggles, even with such archetypes as good and evil. In the end it's one side of the coin trying to spit on the side behind it or vice versa. Now as the points been made it's time to wrap it up. 


{Across the tattered mindscape of Stephen Gonzalez, the Angel roams and cleanses as best he can the damage that has been done} — with Steve Gonzalez.
Steve Gonzalez {The Gonzalez Angel cleanses what he can and slowly the evil insides starts to pass into darkness}

That's kind of the whole point to a battle...that it ends. In this case, evil is the state of mind and normality is reached only through conflict and resolution yet I left it open to maybe happen again. So for a couple of hours I just had the grandest time being a demon, not like most evil things I did mostly for one reason, because I was bored.