6/03/2018

So it begins...

by S. Gonzalez



Today's Monday, my favorite day of the week because today is a day for team-building. When it comes to the team (or any group of ) I'm applying the mechanics of running sites and building content for various social media groups lately. Web-Mastering isn't as easy as it sounds; like fucking "mastering" something takes serious effort. I've been running into some roadblocks for awhile now. It's the same damn problem...other web masters! Don't get me wrong, most of my set up is "On the Go" uploading and saving my work via the Cloud. That simply means that  my resources are limited, progress is moderate, yet I'm continuing to learn new skills. 
I like to deal in communication when it comes to collaboration among my peers. Building an audience is all about the set up and pitch. We have the product and we want them to want it. You have to invoke the audience's attention, wave your digital mitts around and do what it takes to sell your content.


Back to my original point...

"Other people suck, and I'm the only one that works." 

Ha. If only that were true, but teamwork can accomplish a series of tasks much faster. Yet even that statement is proven false if the team can't produce. What's the point of belonging with six people or even sixty?What if they can't come together through interaction and communication to achieve a goal?


1/21/2015

Riding a Train

What is it about a train,
traveling long distances like a plane,
movement shaking and squeaky braking,
thundering forward on rails,
it blazes a sometimes rocky trail,
on iron put down by our father's father,
expanding history mile per mile,
what is it about a train that I adore,
it's the sights and the smells,
but there's more,
it's the feel of traveling on the iron,
closest to my human sisters and brothers,
I wouldn't even have to bother,
I'd turn down a flight because I'd rather,
travel on a train, so now you know because I have made that plain.

12/18/2014

The Tales of Glory City part 1


The Tales of Glory City: “Lair of Dust”

by
S. Gonzalez




Deep inside the lair of the Hermit of Dust; hidden within his arcane collection, is the ultimate secret, a treasure of wisdom often called the gem of philosophers. The powerful artifact, especially to masters of that tiny planet, held away from the eyes of the sensible and prying world. Why would the Hermit strive to keep the masses ignorant you may ask? Humanity is often plagued with fools, some with means to unravel life itself. He has always been here, surrounded by endless dust in the air, witnessing events through the eyes of others. One day someone will ask "the Question" of him, if ever such a mortal could safely crossover into his realm. That is one of the dust-hermit's musings; how a 3rd dimensional mind could survive intact, from experiencing a 5th dimensional state of being. There are many quantum jumps of awareness, from that small blue planet to the utter infinity of Space.

The cavernous dwelling has but one window, yet that window shouldn't be able to view anything. This cavern is nothing more than solid rock or beyond that, The Voids ethereal plane! This peculiar window constantly shifts it's viewing according to a will all it’s own, so the Hermit speculates. Always moving across Earth, showing him signs of despair, joy and often times nothing but the blanket of stars above them. The only illumination comes from simple fixtures located along side the writing covered rock walls. The authors of those cryptic text, ever continual changing and scrawled on the ceiling, glow with a pulsating crimson hue. The Hermit looks on such things and chuckles under his breath, words are often nonsense when compared to truth. Wordsmiths and Scientists, a civilization now gone from influence, leaving him with a place to pray. The Mirrored Room, in it's gleaming and polished appearance , hides a fact: no dust can fall there. He keeps it very clean and stays out of it whenever he can, only using the room if great need called for it. That room was designed to cause madness and to extract enlightenment at a heavy cost. With every second that ticks inside, the victim is engulfed with unspeakable horror. There are many who have ripped their eyes out to escape! Knowledge at the cost of pain, the worst of it, that the poor damned fool could see every step of their dismay. Like all tools of Power, he keeps them at arm’s length, such as calamity will allow.

The world changes and stays the same for him, a constant gardener of history and experience. His vigil is one fated to end in darkness and then renewed in the World of Ideas. There is a poem that he uses to describe our world, telling of all who play a part in everything that is ever made. To some , the experience in the poem is called Life, as it is found in nature. To the Select, it’s called Perception Infinite; and they are the holders of Perceived Knowledge. “So they say the Traitors of spirit, that the Gods bring forth lightning? So we will make our own dimension and make gods of ourselves as well, our swords are our souls, that even in death, we may spit in the eye of the Void.” They laughed, as their dark science merged with twisted occult infusion.  Those fools with great power laughed, as their works tore across space and time, ripping the Vail. The chaotic Sphere was the result of such foolishness, kept in check by the Watcher, ever vigilant that one day it's effects do not destroy the miniscule life down below. That gleaming green orb of Chaos tucked away safely within the rock of the hermit's lair. Suddenly his lair grows cold at the thought of such a hellish creation. Where were the voices of reason back then? The hermit walks towards the window, his simple earthen robe dragging across the sandy floor. His weary eyes still envision that past civilization’s history clearly.

"They gave themselves to darkness in the thousands that day, so many died for no better reason than to spite the Unknown. How were they to know the Infinite’s response to such treason?" The words spoken from his lips ignite the writing on the walls. Each letter corresponds , in bright flashing blue light, along with his retelling.
"Across the tattered dreamscape of Perception, the victorious armies of mislead martyrs, tore the minds of millions within horrific nightmares! That cult was of course banished into the Void, where the darkness perfects them to this day, undying and perfect in it‘s evil. "A gust of wind from nowhere and everywhere billows across the tomb like room. “And what is evil? Is it another term for destruction or is it simply an action against order?”, he whispers to himself. The Window beckons as it always does, it calls to the aged man within him to just rest. Now safety away from Chaos’s reach he glances at the many faces and pictures the Window has to offer. Memories flood the Dust-hermit, taking him across the fourth dimension, to retouch on his past. He flies in that secret space of his soul, using it to converse with the unknown. The song of paradise comes to his lips and it softly sings in the voices of his past:

"In Paradox,

there are many rooms,

epic in size,

as they ride the currents of time,

We are merely characters,

telling our stories,

inside the mansion,

infinite and always in bloom,

Paradox the palace,

of many rooms."


His memories are all that stay with him now, in this place cut off from time. Often when the season was right, he could slip back into Paradox. The rooms are truly all different, uniquely built by every character's story. There are some in Paradox that help each other, some that continue their evil beyond the grave. There are those who call it hell, others insist it's heaven.There are also hunters, slayers of heroes or villains. He could remember best the one who wore a golden mask. His tale was yet to be told, because if you die in Paradox as some often do, you return to the World with a yearning. The memories of traveling across realities are often erased. Only to be restored back in Paradox. That was the insanity of it's design, how often had the Dust-hermit been jumping these passageways of space within time? In the World, you are a worker. Life is balanced to a point regulated by forces unknown.Your character improves until you find your way, even in death , back into Paradox.

Back into the mansion of many rooms.


To be continued....





The Tales of Glory City: “The Blake Family Incident”

by S.Gonzalez

The little girl is screaming, her wails matching the sirens of the ambulance hurling it’s way downtown. Her small body writhing in an unseen agony, blood covers her mouth from the unceasing flow from her nose. The sedatives Frank injected seemed to not be easing her pain or quieting the assault her tiny body was going through. ”Lisa can you hear me sweetie? I need you to talk to me, tell me what’s going on.” His voice was calmly hectic, trying to ease his own nervousness as the vitals registered off the grid. Nobody could have lasted with their blood pressure spiking like that! Her eyes rolled as the sweat caused her hair to stick alongside her face. “Breathe honey,” looking back at the driver, his face pinched with worry.

  “Doug! Dammit are we almost there? It feels like she is about to…” Her tiny hand grasped his tightly and looked into her no still eyes. Frank actually startled at what he saw there, twin black pools peering at him. How could that be he wondered? Those tiny pupils devoid of light or color, that it just reached into his very soul. “Lisa?” he whispered, she smiled a wicked grin and vomited bile and blood on to the front of his blue jumpsuit. The ambulance finally reached the hospital, the attendant nurses and staff hauled her gurney through the ER. Frank couldn't move from the small cabin, still covered in the filth his mind stuck on those nightmarish eyes of the little girl. 

Earlier, when they had received the call to the Blake household, Frank and Doug were just enjoying coffee outside the hospital. Doug being an older and respected paramedic was regaling Frank with stories from his years driving. “I've seen some weird shit friend. Let’s just hope you never get to witness half of what has happened in the last five years. That’s was the moment the call came, a disturbance at a suburban home only twenty minutes away. Frank smiled knowing that Doug would get them there at half that. The six years as a Army medic helped Frank with his current job, blood and guts didn't unnerve anymore. There was nothing that could prepare him for what was at that house. He witnessed something sinister in ways no maimed body could prepare him for.. They actually managed to beat the cops there, inside the modest white and blue home, the lights flickered bright white to a dimmed yellow. Doug knocked heavily on the door as screams of distress echoed from inside. A tired and bruised man answered the door ushering them through the entrance. His clothes seem to have been ripped and disheveled as if attacked by a man much larger than the 5’ 10 who ushered them inside. “What’s going on sir?” Frank went over to the living room as Doug continued talking to Mr. Blake. “My daughter Lisa, there’s something wrong with her and my wife is trying to…”


A shrill scream cut through the air and all three men ran to the back of the house. Inside the pink room, filled with dolls and posters of unicorns was a scene of pure chaos. Shelves swiped clean; broken glass unicorns on the floor, books and destroyed dolls surrounded their daughter. She appeared feral, teeth bared and hands chocking the mother in the corner of the room. A ghastly scene in such a pink and pretty room of a six year old.


Doug was first to pull the little girl off as Frank helped Miss. Blake off the floor. Her face, beautiful once, now ash white, bruised and a swollen cut lip. Her brown eyes gazed into his for help from this confusion. “I don’t know what’s going on..my baby, she just attacked me. I came in here when she started crying but..but..oh God what’s happening?!” She went to her knees sobbing loudly, Frank ran over to Doug as the little girl struggled in his hold. “Lisa, it’s okay they’re taking you to get better sweetie.” Mr. Blake could only speak from behind the thrashing child as Frank ran for the emergency gurney. Strapping her down was hard, she spit and yelled at them, for such a little girl her strength was unbelievable. The neighbors were gathered outside the home as they both rushed her inside the ambulance. Miss Blake and her teenage son stood in the doorway as the father ran to the Range Rover to follow them. The police arrived and began ushering people back while two of the five officers went towards the house to speak to the mother. All the lights returned to normal Frank could see as the shut the doors and sped for Glory General Hospital.

“Hey Frank? Frank buddy you okay?” His voice came from behind his memories, and he noticed the look of concern on the older man’s face. Being larger both in height and weight, his dark skin beaded with sweat Doug’s grip on his shoulder squeezed when no response came. Frank was still in the back of the cabin. Covered in blood and vomit, not trusting his voice to answer his perplexed partner. He lead him out of the ambulance cabin towards the ER doors and into the employee lounge.”She’s gonna be okay man, the doctors have her now.” He offered him a towel and fresh jumpsuit along with soap, Frank looked out the window to the ER towards the drapes covering the frantic doctors helping the now very still little girl. He showered and redressed, once back into the ambulance Doug only gave him a Coke and pulled out into the street for another call. “You going to be okay Frank?” He looked over the driver and just nodded his head. Inside his mind Lisa’s cold black eyes still haunted him and he knew that he would never be okay again.

In between the runs, he went to the nurses counter to check on the little girl from earlier. The nurse only shook her head and pulled out the chart. “That one gave us so much trouble.” When they had put her in the ICU, readings kept jumping from flat-line to normal condition, confusing as to how healthy she appeared. Right as they thought she was sedated enough, she began screaming again.They had her out cold, but it took a huge adult dose just to do it. “Poor darling, I can’t believe the docs are going to let her go tomorrow morning. They’re still running test, it looks like anything nothing is physically wrong.” She took both his hands in her soft hands, just like mom used to do. Nurse Sara always did have a soft spot for him. He’s been interested a few times at the voluptuous woman, her winks going down the hall always made him wonder. Sometimes commenting to her that a date or two would change her mind on Hispanic men. “How you holding baby? You look like hell.” Sara was a sweet woman, transferred from Atlanta months back she didn't hide the fact she found him handsome. She had long brown hair , curvy figure and deliciously smelling milky skin. Looking in to her green eyes he could only give a small smile. “I’m doing okay, just a rough day and looking forward to the weekend.” She leaned over the counter, looking around to see if anyone saw them drawing him forward. “Let me know if you want to get together on Saturday, have my number honey.” Taking the small note she slipped into his pant pocket, his cheeks flushed a bit. Frank only took her hand again and kissed it. “Just need a little sleep darling, I will call you. Have a good night.” She blushed and sat back down as he walked over to the elevators. Suddenly Lisa’s darkened eyes flashed in his mind, he flinched at the opening of the doors, while a nurse and doctor stepped out. Catching his breath inside and riding up he gazed at the reflection of the haggard look on his face.

Arriving at the children’s wing ,he inquired to where Lisa Blake’s room was. Knocking on the door it was once again opened by Mr. Blake who looked extremely beaten down. “Yes?” Frank straightened out his uniform, “Hi Mr.Blake I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself but my name’s Frank Wright, I drove your daughter here.” Opening the door he could see into the cold room, she looked so peaceful, Frank only wondered what could have happened. “Oh yes I remember, thank you so much for all your help. She seems to be doing better, would you like to come in?” He lead him to her bedside, with all the blood and sweat removed, she looked like a normal girl just sleeping. Yet as he watched her breathe, her screams still echoed in his ears. “I’m glad she’s okay Mr. Blake.” He scoffed, “As much as we’ve been through, you can call me Ulysses now.” Frank sat down with him away from the bed and refused the offer of ice water. “Ulysses if you don’t mind me asking, what happened tonight at your home?” Sighing he gazed at Lisa’s sleeping form and shrugged.

“I don’t know Frank, one minute I’m getting home and getting ready for dinner and the next my wife hears Lisa crying in her room. She’s been having nightmares and for some reason is always taking naps. We have had to wake her up so many times I thought about just giving her coffee, but of course I wouldn't.”

He sipped the water and collected his thoughts,” The dreams have always been bad but tonight it was like something else was there in place of my little girl. My wife has no idea what triggered her to go after her. Just seeing my little one choking my wife is something I won’t forget. We are looking into therapy once she leaves the hospital but I’d hate to think it’s a brain tumor or anything.” He started to sob, holding his face in his hands Ulysses couldn't keep his shoulders from shuttering with choked back tears. Frank reached out to comfort him when he held his head up and wiped off the tears. “I don’t know what to do except just be here for her when she wakes. Thanks again for everything you've done but I think it’s time I tried going to sleep too.” Frank nodded and started for the door as he did he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen. He wrote his number on the notepad by the door and handed it to Mr. Blake,” I’m not a doctor but I hope we can at least be friends, here’s my number call me if you need anything Ulysses.” He warily smiled and nodded shaking Frank’s hand before closing the door.

Later on that night after an assault at a bar, a heart attack at a local retirement home along with two overdoses in the lower south-side of the city, their shift finally had ended. At home, Frank couldn't sleep even after consuming an entire twelve pack to himself. Doug had left to his apartment after his one hour nap on the couch. On getting up he was surprised that Frank was even awake. “Thanks for letting me crash, guess that beer and a shitty night makes me sleepy.” Frank stood at the window overlooking his apartments plaza, gazing at nothing at all. It was tearing at his mind what had happened with Lisa.

“Something is eating at me about tonight Doug, I don’t think I can sleep.” His partner only stared at him with worry and shook his head as he went over to the window. “I can understand if you’re shaky man, that little girl really fucked you up. She’s okay now and we did our jobs just let it go. Tomorrow is another day and trust me there is a lot worse out there.” Doug’s pinched face reminded him of what a raisin would look like frowning. What was happening in this city he thought. “I’m okay, just need to get some sleep…” He just nodded and picked up his jacket on the way out. “Well you hold in there Frank and give Lolita a call I bet she can work out all those nerves.” He belly laughed as Frank chuckled leading him to the door, “I’m sure she can. You just get home safe buddy.” As the door closed and his shaky fingers locked it, the cold sweat came to his forehead. What was going on in this city? Hours later he still stared out the window as the sun began to raise and his fears only growing.



To be continued...

6/19/2014

Article of Faith: Friends

Article of Faith: Friends


Often I have said that my friends are people that define me.
This is not always the case.
It is the interactions of those friends that connects me to the person I am inside. Their flaws, their workings even the mistakes they make which brings me closer to the human aspect inside me. These days I don’t much consider myself a part of human life, maybe it’s because how I view others. Their primal workings perplexes me. The way two people look at each other, talk with each other and embrace the other leaves me with such curiosity that it is simply an enigma. What is it about the opposite sex that drives the male of our species, to act in such ways? In ways that define, contradict and utterly perplex the human imagination? He likes her for her face, she likes him for his laugh and so they feel a hug and a laugh should create a connection of feelings that develop into intimacy. I never understand it. I find myself in the same predicament. I adore her mind, she adores my intellect , we share our bodies, we embrace the truth of our souls. That is the whole of the situation. I find this normal and utterly strange. Is it within every human being to feel such things? That’s why, when you call on others to embrace them as a friend, a companion that one day to understand that at some level you could be much more than companions? Calling someone a friend is an easy out. Saying that you share a common goal, or mainstream a way of understanding not only yourself but the circumferential of your understanding a simulation to the problem of understanding. That is the problem...we are all confused at some point to the want of our true selves! What person really knows what they want?m How can we know how we will respond to our simulation in the present when our past creates situations we dream of and prepare for? Either way it makes for an interesting predicament. Can we take comfort in the whole of our present decisions?Can we understand the totality our choices? If we, as a race of thinking, understand and feeling beings understand this then why are all of our current problems a cause of the result of the cause in effect, of such decision? That is what leaves me perplexed. Friends, lovers and family, I am in a mind that we as a species are utterly insane. 

4/14/2014

Void Soul

 Void Soul

By
 S. Gonzalez

I don't know how to love you,
often and now it reaches me to the core,
swimming against what I want,
lifting my head to breathe,
waiting to live in each breath,
yet you are not there,
a absent body,

a absent soul,
I know you exist and breathe still,
but my heart still wants it so,
as my brain relinquishes it so,
a love that is absent,
is a void in the soul.


4/09/2014

It was once "Team Badass" or...a lot changes in a year.



S.G:  "We have an unidentified squirrel  gathering nuts.

".... permission to engage."





J.C: "That is a go."























Bang




S.G: "Target down. I repeat target down. Let's gather those nuts."
J.C: "Roger that."

1/16/2014

When
by S.G.


When can I see her,
my heart cries out to my ears,
I silence such calls for time is no man's mistress,
my heart beckons for it's beat towards want,
I cherish it's call yet temper that which I cannot control,
She is always on my mind,
in that place between thoughts,

she is never gone,
Her presence known even by my groin,
now all three miss her so,
my heart,
my mind,
and dare I say,
my very soul.

There once was something called "MySpace"....

Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Hello sunshine
Current mood:  amused
Category: Blogging
When i walk down the street looking above my in the blue sky
i look to my right but there's not even a dog
i look to my left and noone there too
but ol' Mr.Sunshine beams his smile down
i lay in the grass with the brezze to comfort
nature is the healer in which refuge is taken
join me in the grass and sun
bathe in the waters of my element
it's the Age of Aquauris becuase it lives
in my own mind.
 
 
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Crazy everyday fun playtime life and the adventures of the modern man
Current mood:  ditzy
Category: Life
 this is me  .  These little fellas are my emotions everyday in "Life".
To tell storys use this instead. . it's fun. . .
I love to smoke    just really getting    it works really great.
Sometimes even now i kissed my    becuase Incubus was playing "Drive" becuase i really want her to    me too for that moment!
I wanted everyone to think i'm    but it usually comes out very    or maybe alittle  and they get all    out !
People at work can be abit   at times or    i usually tend to stay   at times for i don't have to be so  all the damn time!.
I walk around as much as i can, it lets me be at peace.
but it always comes out like this:
  walk  around as much as    can, it lets   be at 
The End
 
 
 
 
 
 
. . . . .
 
 
 
 
. .
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
DH
 
 
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Life goes on. . and on. . and on
Current mood:  cheerful
Category: Life
Whoa looks like i am still learning things in seattle,i countiue to read up on all my favorite passions,even some new ones,and i can't wait to get hands on when  i get to dallas!Life is a funny thing the way that there is a cycle of movement,for everything lost something new takes it's place.
my wants,need,and maybes are all joined within the sphere of change inside,i made a new purpose, i have discovered a new energy to help me,a new force behind my acension!I will conquer saturn with the help of balance,libra,and ride on the airs of aquarius and no man can stop me on my journey!a new journey in a old game that's always in motion. .
my help to all who read this is:"Life goes on, so walk in peace.Life waits for no man is such a true expression!"
i will learn,i will love,i will study,i will hurt,i will lose,i will win,but it all dosn't matter becuase it's all part of the circle!
peace
 Steven
 
 
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Big Dogs,glory and loss
Current mood:  melancholy
Category: Writing and Poetry
It's about time i was honest about a part of my past that i have lied to myself about and now looking back can finally admit.About three years ago I found myself in a pickle,I was working at Starbucks and was finally hating that fucking job after a year and half.My buddies have been going to this one bar in Addsion,north of downtown dallas,on the corner of beltline and midway.This building man,this place of brick and wood,i could swear this lot was cursed.I learned that many,many owners have gone in and out of business at this place but i advance alittle too fast,well,anyway they take me to this place and for the life of me i can't reamber when this all went down.It could have been in June or July 02',anyway,Big Dog sports grill,this place was fucking great.
Perfect mixture of dark and dank,with cool bartenders that took care of you.I really just wanted to check out the dj becuase i really wanted to do that,man that was my goal to be up there playing music that all these people had to listen to while they enjoyed themselves.The guy that owned the joint was pretty cool and laid back,Steve like me,destiny is a funny motherfucker.So I ended talking Spence (the dj) to let me take some weekdays even got Steve to give me a shot,dude i was so fucking excited.All i can say those frist few days were tough and i found out that what i liked wasn't exactly top 40.I took the time to buy and look up as much about mainstream music i could but still blending in stuff people really never heard.It took time to master that and still make myself usefull even after i was done playing music.I think that in itself help me move past just dj to busboy,barback, and after so much shit and lies,which i learned was needed if you wanted to last,I be came a bartender and by this time;Spenece,couple of snotty,stuck-up cocktails,2 or 3 bartenders i was still there.I like to think the fact that i attached myself to Steve and all he had to teach really kept me from leaving,i felt i needed to be there.Steve was a great boss in some many ways but he couldn't run a bar for shit,we pretty much had to make sure the shit ran and make sure the money kept coming in but it wasn't easy.
He was his own downfall,he wanted a "better" cliente,clean and mature,someone that had loads of money and love to spend and so he started tearing away the Big Dog.Really just tearing it apart slowly,frist he tore down the divder wall to "open" up the bar,then painting the walls all sorts of colors,like a bad porn set.Putting up tiger and lepord print,a row of tv's right in front of the bar and not 3 or 4 but 10 ,taking out a brickwall segment on the "patio".During all this neverending revamp the customer base tryed to stay but the prices went from 1.50 beers to 2.00,2.50,2.75 and up every couple of weeks.
I saw a guy try to stab someone right in front of the dj booth lucky for the guy who was going to get stabbed i saw this guy coming and fucking whollered,WHAM,fucker gets laid the fuck out on the pool table just fucking bushwhacked by this guy and friend.Great times and Worst times i saw there in my three year sentence.
I learned lust and the pleasures of the flesh there,learn to really booze down while i played the hits on the weekends.I loved every mintue of it,girls coming and begging for their song,tits and ass is all i usaully saw all night.Me and Steve would clash about top 40 vs independent but he paid my daily cash so he won from the start.After awhile the booth was tore down so a computer i helped set up and load with songs to take over,saddest fucking day ever.
But i was still needed,bartender and barback to suckass bartenders that had no clue of my history or just didn't care.Well,anyhoo,so right about the end of the 2nd year with business just dying ,and Steve trying all sorts of stuff to keep the doors open it fucking starts.Desperte mesures doomed those not able to look foward,by this time all of the orignal cast is gone (except me of course),prices and specials were steady but high and bills just pouring in.
Sadly it was crew now of five or six by the middle of the 3rd year,by this time i was looking for a way out without trying to let Steve really take it serious so i wouldn't get fired ahead of time.I became bitter and sad when i looked around by then,a stranger in a once dark and beautful land.Thankfully i had some really cool regulars i started hanging out with that let me in on my current job,but i was so stupid to trust the suckup manger/bartender,Steve found out and one day while i was there enjoying a pint he fired me,turn in the key,his reason was that i was lying to him about not leaving when he asked me a couple nights ago if i were looking for another job.
FlashBack,one night in the start of the thrid year, some really crazy shit went down,Steve wasn't there and the bartenders got alittle crazy and the tape went missing.(trust me,no money stolen or liquer guzzed just sluts and shots) days after,and many finger pointing ,me and Steve clash,pure yelling from both sides,well not yelling so much as loud talking.I told him everything i was feeling,fucking jager,that even after all this time he still didn't trust me and how hard i work to make sure that he was always takin care of,oh man just emptyed my soul on him!
He told me to leave and tears forming i left but i came back to leave the keys but Steve didn't fire he just told me to leave,ha,must have been the fact that i was way drunk by this part!
So flash-foward and i am now being asked to leave the keys and my services were no longer needed,i already had the other job but that wasn't the case he wouldn't even let me finish the weekend.After 3 years i left with no shouting or just one request to finish of the weekend which was dismissed i left.I was angry and hated Big Dogs,hated that i spent so much of my life there,worked there ,slaved there and all for nothing.That made me think and it's funny  now when i really look back on it. . .
i went back and made up with the place but it was just so dead by that time,no life at all, even when it was busy.i drank a couple and left,i would come in with my co-workers and throw some money into the place but never really partied like before.I stopped going one day.
Steve did me a favor,he let me go and i have learned that hard work without true focus leads nowhere.It closed 3 months later and even to this day is there with the sign on the front.My current job is right across the front,across the street and i saw that sign everyday i took the bus,or in a firends car or sometimes i would sit on the patio just smoking a ciggertte to think.I told everyone that i hated that place and that i didn't miss it but honestly. . . . . .i miss the memorys i lost there and the young man i left trapped in the place but i have to let that ghost fade.I look now at the man i am becoming and yes,i'm glad i worked there and got to know what dedication was,i wouldn't trade that dream of Big Dog sports grill for anything.
 
 
S.
 
Sunday, May 07, 2006
do what thou wilt is the whole of the law
Current mood:  content
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Amazing where u learn the little things that form life!Currently i am in Seattle catching up on some r&r so that i can face myself and others back home with a level mind.Which brings me to our current subject:"Finding yourself"
out of personal experence i thought that i was lost and that nowhere i looked was "home".the cloest thing to a brother was moving on and i was left behind and i think that was what made me so depressed that i had to pack up and leave.but before i even left the state all my friends showed me love and good farewells but still i was lost.the journey here to seattle gave me time to reflect and the time i spend here to refine my nature.i finally found that i didn't need to leave .so i find myself again on the crossroads but "this" time i have a better understanding and so here goes my wisdom of this still going expeience:
 
"When u are lost,just take time to reflect on what you have done and know that life countiues anyway so walk in peace."
so far this all i have but i'm still learning and would love to hear from others on the subject.
2:00 PM - 2
 
 
Thursday, April 27, 2006
What i make of myself is what my life is
Current mood:  artistic
Category: Travel and Places
i just had a great time with my friends from dallas, all of us had drinks and drama but all in one we loved the moment.i didn't care of anything except team and the emotion of us.To all my friends i gave this message!
 
"No matter HOW u live just luv each other!"
laterz
S.
 
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
really tired of truth.com
Current mood:  aggravated
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
OK kids, television is such a huge place, full of wonder and amusement! Everyday i see different ads,brainwashing,and crap and i have learn that it's time to just lash out in a randomly placed blog.
1st: The Truth, anti-smoking ads
i approve of the shock tatics these "children" use to get their message of the dangers of direct or second-hand smoke from cigs. But after a while it's just fu8ckin stupid! The only people it effects are those who don't smoke, hey asshole i'm "in" the smoking section "lick my balls"
BUT come on! Who cares if smokers want to die from lung cancer, let them, you should think "gene-pool cleaning or glad it's not me" and walk the hell on. i quit smoking cigs 3 months ago with no problems and others have done the same thing.Smoking feels great but after ash breath and chest pain i suddenly thought it was time to quit. Nature is my anti-smoking influnce,"The Truth" is just the "man" in all his glory. Think about it, okay one day every smoker in america (just america) quit making cigs or everyone quit. Thousands of jobs lost, stores closings on a epic scale, cigrettes become crack or bootleged from mexico,but people live longer and get fatter, you won u fuckin hippies but so did big business they will create something to fill the void:BEER,and amercica loves beer.even madd can't do shit to the booze train.
think about it.
 
 

Sunday, April 16, 2006
hold out for a good one
Current mood:  sympathetic
Category: Romance and Relationships
okay this one is for the guys
look i know it's hard sometimes,from all sides you see hotties and perfect 10's,or okay to averge women.Dude,don't be a sap just know what you arfe looking for,some kind of traits that you look for.Once you know what kind of woman you want ,toss it all the fuck away.Not one will ever match it,some exceptions,but 90 fuckin f the time you just have to settle and you know it.But my Brothers there is another path,the path of self.
perfect yourself and your atmosphere,work on your "charcter"show "some"of your true self,bait on the hook and then be a hermit.
go out with friends,get comfy in your lifestyle and explore options in anything but getting laid.To perfect the beast you must tame him,perfect it and groom.Let life do what it fucking will and nature to suck it.If you don't find a "life-partner" fuck it,you're having fun aren't you?
 
 
Thursday, April 13, 2006
lesson 1
Current mood:  amused
i am still learning alot even now and somedays i see clear in the fog.i think i should be alittle more deep on the site something that can enlighten as well as entertain.
The frist law is that matter in time creates space.
Matter in itself is infused with energy,Engery in time creates matter.
 
think about it.
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